Don't wait to do the things you really want to!

i'm slow to react and act on dreams....
now i find i want to do some post-grad work and all the profs i had are no longer at the University to provide referral letters!

i love teaching skiing, wished i'd acted on it earlier so i could have taught out west...now i cannot...even though Whistler is looking for instructors at end of season, i have "desk" job i'm committed to in TO...pays my bills you know!

other regrets...not having travelled more...even though i've now participated in an arch dig in Belize, been to Mex a number of times, as well as Peru and other places...there are still many i wish to go....Chile for instance...well there's still time

Also, i love to write...but often don't apply myself enough to it...

k, in defence of myself...i did work at school, despite some people's suggestions i did not...it was hard, i was older, i was working full time and dealing with many emotional issues...(to name some big ones.... a few men who broke my heart, one who left me pregnant...luckily i had spontaneous miscarriage..., the drowning of a friend, the death of people i cared for, including my father....and other stuff...so it's not easy...k people...don't be quick to judge others when you don't know facts...give people credit for what they've done instead of looking at what they have not done

k, i work hard now at staying fit and being active and healthy to combat some other issues (an possible bio-chem imbalance, which rather than take SSRi's for i choose to use natural methods)...i take an active and participatory role in my health and its maintenance

k, sometimes i drink a few too many pints or cider when out socializing.....but i'm also capable of not drinking at all, i don't take any drugs and i don't smoke or toke, although, with regards to latter two... on occassion i've been known to (in the past)

i don't judge people by their vices or weaknesses...i just choose not to associate with those with too many as i'm impressionable and could end up compromising my well being, health for the sake of relationship...and i don't wish to do this anymore (i.e. if i date a smoker i may end up smoking...that happened in the past...it won't again!)....i have more respect for my health, well-being, body and soul now...

k, in the past i "gave myself away"...just to be Loved...i thought this self-sacrifice would ensure its return...all it did was garner me disrespect from others...and anger at myself...you have to learn to draw boundaries...patrol them and not let others dump, manipulate or use you...

k, in defence of myself, i am currently working 7 days a week, no days off....working a desk job, teaching skiing on we's, i'm on two corporate payrolls...i'm not lazy!!

k, in defence of myself, i have taken writing working workshops and i did educate myself, paid for my own education whilst working...

k, in defence of myself, i did not get married at 24 or any other age just to be married /w kids cause i am true to me and did not find the guy who would let me be...in fact some of them were threatened by my continuing education...some were even emotionally and possibly could have been physically abusive had i had not walked away

k, in defence of myself, i've walked away from abusive relationships and people...and chose to lift myself and my esteem to levels i did not previously experience...

k, in defence of myself i travel alone, and have skiied in Whistler and Lake Louise..on my own...plus went to Peru solo (to join adventure travel group)

k, in defence of my self, i realize i have acted on my dreams and set many in motion....

so....don't be hard on yourself...work slowly towards your goals...don't give up...and don't let others put you down or suggest you could be doing better...we all could be doing better...give yourself some credit....

signing out for now,
k

PS, had a great weekend skiing and am grateful for a friend's ear on Sat. pm, whilst listening to a great guitarist i realized more things about myself...
and to my friend...sorry for dumping on you!!...i wanted to offer you counsel and instead it was the reverse...